Three Hundred, A Musical

Act I


Scene 3

(The HOTEL LOBBY. The CLERK is standing behind the desk. R.J. MCDONALD, the owner, a man in his early fifties, is standing near the front doors.)

MCDONALD

Looks like it’s going to be a beautiful day.

CLERK

Yes, sir, Mr. McDonald.

MCDONALD

A nice day always makes people want to jump in the car and take a trip.

CLERK

I suppose so, sir.

MCDONALD

(Crosses to CENTER STAGE.)
You bet. They’ll come right down Highway 80 and they’ll say, “That looks like a nice town. Let’s stop there for the day.” And they’ll come right down Main Street and they’ll say, “That looks like a nice hotel. Let’s stay there for the night.” And that’s when we’ll rent another room.

CLERK

I hope so, sir.

MCDONALD

Are all of our guests comfortable? Do they have everything they need?

CLERK

I don’t know, sir. He checked out early this morning.

MARIE

(Enters through the front door and crosses quickly to MCDONALD.)
Daddy, I have to talk to you.

MCDONALD

Good morning, dear.
(HE kisses HER on the forehead.)
What’s the matter?

MARIE

It’s Billy. Oh, Daddy, I just don’t know what to do!

MCDONALD

What’s he done now?

MARIE

Just the usual. He ignores me. He forgets about our dates. All he wants to do is bowl. He wants to bowl a perfect game.

MCDONALD

That seems like an ambitious goal.

MARIE

Daddy! I want to get married, and have a family. He won’t even take enough time off from bowling to get a decent job. How can we have a future if he doesn’t make any money?

MCDONALD

Correct me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t he work for Marvin at the bowling alley?

MARIE

Just part time. Anyway, he can’t support a family on that!

MCDONALD

Good heavens! You’re not . . .

MARIE

No, of course not! But someday . . .

MCDONALD

Certainly. What would you like me to do?

MARIE

Offer him a job?

MCDONALD

Pardon me?

MARIE

On the condition that he marries me and gives up bowling.

MCDONALD

That seems fair enough. He gets you. The bowling alley loses his patronage, which no doubt will be a blow from which Marvin will never recover. And I get another employee I don’t need (glancing at CLERK) to take care of the customers I don’t have. A neat solution all around.

MARIE

Daddy, don’t you want me to be happy?

MCDONALD

Of course I do. But I don’t see why you have to offer him a bribe to marry you. He’ll get over this bowling obsession soon enough. And he seems like a nice young man.

MARIE

HE’S A CREEP!

MCDONALD

BUT HE SEEMS VERY NICE.

MARIE

HE’S A BUM!

MCDONALD

HE’S BEEN KIND TO YOUR MOTHER.

MARIE

I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

MCDONALD

HE SEEMS PERFECT FOR YOU.

MARIE

I’VE DONE ALL THAT I CAN.

MCDONALD

HE’S A NICE YOUNG MAN.

MARIE

Oh, Daddy, how can you say that?

MCDONALD

Well, he’s very polite. He has good table manners. He dresses very nice.

MARIE

Yes, he always wears a clean bowling shirt!

MCDONALD

You’re being much too hard on him.

MARIE

Daddy, there’s got to be something wrong with a person who wants to spend his entire life throwing a heavy ball at a bunch of helpless bowling pins.

MCDONALD

I could think of worse things.

MARIE

Like what?

MCDONALD

Well, he could be . . .

MARIE

I’M SO MAD!

MCDONALD

YOU’LL GET OVER IT, DEAR.

MARIE

I COULD SCREAM!

MCDONALD

DON’T GET ALL IN A BOTHER.

MARIE

I DON’T CARE ANY MORE.

MCDONALD

HE’LL SHOW UP AT OUR DOOR.

MARIE

I’VE DONE ALL THAT I CAN.

MCDONALD

HE’S A NICE YOUNG MAN.

MARIE

BUT I SUPPOSE

MCDONALD

IT COULD BE TRUE

MARIE

HE MIGHT PROPOSE.

MCDONALD

HE’S NOT FOR YOU.

BOTH

I COULD BE WRONG, YOU KNOW.

MARIE

HE’S KIND OF SWEET.

MCDONALD

HE’S JUST A GUY.

MARIE

HE’S AWFULLY NEAT.

MCDONALD

HE’LL MAKE YOU CRY.

BOTH

I COULD BE WRONG, YOU KNOW.

MARIE

I’M IN LOVE!

MCDONALD

BETTER WATCH WHAT YOU DO!

MARIE

I CAN’T HELP IT!

MCDONALD

YOU HAD BEST FIND ANOTHER.

MARIE

YOU WERE RIGHT, I AGREE.

MCDONALD

YOU DON’T LISTEN TO ME!
I’VE DONE ALL THAT I CAN!

(THEY look at each other in surprise.)

BOTH

HE’S A NICE YOUNG MAN!

END OF ACT I, SCENE 3

GO TO ACT I, SCENE 4